I am feeling old today. Not just from the general aches and pains of being in a late-30's body that's seen better days, but because I think I have become too predictable.
Even my quirks can be seen coming a mile away.
I will always set my alarm early, so that I can hit snooze several times before getting up. I will turn on the news while I check online to see if anything interesting happened in Facebook world. I will run through the insane list of FB games I insist on keeping up with, realize that it's suddenly an hour later, decide not to bother with my hair and rush out the door 10 minutes later than I'd planned.
I will probably decide to drive to work, instead of taking the el, because I am so late. I will hit a butt-load of traffic on Lake Shore Drive, curse myself once more for not getting my ass in gear, and run to the courthouse to my first call.
I will make it by the skin of my teeth, with no bad consequences - thereby not learning any lesson for the next morning.
I will stop at Au Bon Pain for the spinach and cheese croissant, read whatever paper someone left at the table, then trudge back to the office. Gab with co-workers, try to be productive. Fail miserably. Leave and go home to veg on the couch. More Facebooking. Go to bed.
Rinse and Repeat.
Once in a long while I will do something interesting. A couple years ago I took guitar lessons. I joined a gym (but rarely went). I joined a social club this year, that I occasionally hang out at. And I veg on their couch.
This is not the life of a single girl in the city! So, I need a plan, I need motivation. I need to get excited about something. But every time I come up with something, I just feel overwhelmingly tired.
Are you sure you aren't a mini me? I have been trying to pull myself up by the boot straps and everytime I feel like I am going to make it, something happens that makes my heart flip and there I go spiraling backwards into the rut. Today the doctor told me that she thought I was doing amazing considering I am only on a low dose of antidepressant. I just keep hanging on by faking it till I make it. That, my dear sweet girl, is what I am suggesting to you. You just go out there and act "AS IF" you are the queen of the world and one of these days you will wake up and find out that you ARE! I am praying for you.
ReplyDeletehaha, dear. I think it is likely that I am a mini you! And your suggestion is a good one. Kind of a "fake it til you make it?" That's how I get over stage fright. I pretend I'm someone who knows what the heck she's talking about :)
ReplyDeleteMy advice to get over stage fright is to pick someone fat and ugly and stare straight at them all the while imagining what they look like naked. ;) Oh, I forgot to tell you that I slide in to work by the skin of my teeth almost every day. I am usually scanning in at 6:58 a.m. to start at 7. I never start on time though, cause I have to go get my coffee and say hi to a dozen people before I actually get down to the nitty gritty. All the while I am doing this, I can feel the daggers sinking into my back. Ha ha
ReplyDeleteI personally love the monotony. What I hate, is having a husband who knows me better than my parents do. He pays too much attention to my quirks. It's scary.
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