...and the regular crowd shuffles in...

I am feeling old today. Not just from the general aches and pains of being in a late-30's body that's seen better days, but because I think I have become too predictable.

Even my quirks can be seen coming a mile away.

I will always set my alarm early, so that I can hit snooze several times before getting up. I will turn on the news while I check online to see if anything interesting happened in Facebook world. I will run through the insane list of FB games I insist on keeping up with, realize that it's suddenly an hour later, decide not to bother with my hair and rush out the door 10 minutes later than I'd planned.

I will probably decide to drive to work, instead of taking the el, because I am so late. I will hit a butt-load of traffic on Lake Shore Drive, curse myself once more for not getting my ass in gear, and run to the courthouse to my first call.

I will make it by the skin of my teeth, with no bad consequences - thereby not learning any lesson for the next morning.

I will stop at Au Bon Pain for the spinach and cheese croissant, read whatever paper someone left at the table, then trudge back to the office. Gab with co-workers, try to be productive. Fail miserably. Leave and go home to veg on the couch. More Facebooking. Go to bed.

Rinse and Repeat.

Once in a long while I will do something interesting. A couple years ago I took guitar lessons. I joined a gym (but rarely went). I joined a social club this year, that I occasionally hang out at. And I veg on their couch.

This is not the life of a single girl in the city! So, I need a plan, I need motivation. I need to get excited about something. But every time I come up with something, I just feel overwhelmingly tired.

I swear I couldn't make this stuff up

So, I have a busy few weeks ahead of me: many social obligations, plans with friends, my sister's birthday, my father's birthday, Easter, doctor's appointments, plus going back to work after being out of the office for a week with a minor knee surgery.

Now, I had plans to meet up with a guy. I thought the plans were for Saturday, so I kept Saturday free and made plans for Friday. Turns out that I had the day wrong, so I switched everything around, and made Friday available.

Then he calls me last night. We have a great conversation for about an hour. He told me about this amazing documentary he'd been working on, we discussed our lives' journeys, etc...the usual getting-to-know-you stuff.

Then he says that there is a reason he called. Of course, I am thinking that it is to firm up Friday's plans. But no, it was to cancel. Natch, cause that's been my lot lately. No big deal...plenty of notice. But it was the reason.

To go to his ex-stepsister's kids' talent show.

Folks, this is a new low. I was passed over for a child's recital.

Kidney shot to my ego.

lol

(cherry on top? "I hope this doesn't make it into your blog.")

Sorry, M...just too good to pass up :)

Happy Spring!

Ah, springtime in Chicago...70° and sunny one day, 30° and snow the next. An apt analogy to life in general.

I have talked to people from out of town who visit Chicago in the spring and summer, and without exception, they have been amazed at how the tiniest jump in temperature brings the locals out in shorts and flip-flops, when most sane people are still bundled up.

We are a hardy bunch up here, no doubt, and we know how to make the most of what we get. How can you really appreciate a 45° day in February or March, if you hadn't had a below-zero windchill the day before? And how else to explain why my mother insists on having a pool, even though she only gets to use it a couple dozen times a year?

And in the spirit of experiencing the nasty so that the not-so-good seems all that much better, I think I will go make snow angels before taking a shower with a broken water heater...

It's all about perspective.

Still waters run deep.

That phrase was tailor-made for me. I often appear calm and secure, but underneath is a torrent of emotion.

I hate to appear weak; I'd say it was because of the male-dominated career I am in, but truthfully I have been like this almost as long as I can remember...

Like every other person who is not a hermit, I have suffered my share of embarrassments and humiliations. I've always tried to avoid them by being guarded and keeping a close clamp on my emotional output.

The practical result of this is that I've cultivated many acquaintances and very few friends. I don't think there is a single person who has ever known more than a few facets of me. Some may know more than others, and some may know some of the deeper aspects, but I am very careful to avoid revealing myself fully.

All of these walls sometimes make for a lonely existence.

So I promised myself that I would put myself out there, try to be more open to new things, to having fun, to creating *real* friends and not just people I occasionally hang out with.

And the practical result of that, of course, is that I am getting hurt again. You can't put yourself "out there" without the jeopardy of stumbling. And sometimes others will see you stumble. And sometimes they will laugh. And most of the time that will hurt.

But how do you know you're alive if you never have the dark side to make the light that much brighter?

Cheers.

The care and feeding of Melinda

So, I had a great first date with a guy last Wednesday, with an even better follow-up on Friday. Ended Friday evening with a nice kiss, plans to catch a movie the next week and a promise to "call you Sunday" to firm them up.

Now given the fact that I am a human being with a life of my own, deserving of at least as much respect than you'd give your garden-variety dog walker, what kind of girl would I be if allowed him to wait until Tuesday at 7pm to ask me out for a movie on Wednesday night?

A girl with "doormat" written on her forehead, that's what kind.

Luckily for me, I have a mirror, so I double-checked and sure enough! Nothing written up there. Having verified that, I was confident in telling him that I was busy, but I could fit him in for a quick drink after work on Friday before my other plans, thank you very much.

:P