Dear friends, family members and random acquaintances:
Recently, several of you have seen fit to tell me some pretty heavy stuff that is going on in your lives. While I am flattered and grateful that you are able to unburden yourself or vent, I am also very baffled.
Because anyone who knows me will tell you that I CANNOT KEEP A SECRET TO SAVE MY LIFE.
Seriously, I can't even keep my own secrets. I tell people what I am getting them for presents...sometimes months in advance. If something is juicy gossip, I want to be the first to tell everyone. I am not proud of this facet of my personality, but I am very aware of it. If someone asks me if I can keep a secret, I will honestly say, "no, absolutely not." I will attempt to deflect the conversation, maybe by "revealing" something about myself that no person should ever have to hear. This is a sign to you that I cannot be trusted with intimate details!*
I have been trying very hard to change this about myself, and in the past couple years, I have been extraordinarily successful (except for the presents thing). But this would be much, much easier if you all would stop telling me stuff that you shouldn't. In the past year or so, I have become privy to information that I do not want to have rattling around in my head. Since I have cut off my gossip outlet, this stuff is just festering in my brain and one of these days I'm going to blurt out something. It is inevitable. And we're not talking piddly stuff here - you have been telling me things that could land you in jail, or at the very least as a footnote in your divorce decree.
A wise friend of mine says, "two people can keep a secret...so long as one of them is dead." So, seriously, if you want to unburden yourself without the risk of it getting out, write it down and then burn it. Tell your dog. Or better yet, tell someone who can help you work out whatever issue is behind your revelation.
But for the love of god, don't tell me. Because then I will just have to kill one of us, and frankly, my life is starting to look up, so I'm not ready to leave just yet.
*I have never been told that something I said caused anyone a problem, or a job or a relationship. And frankly, if it was told to *me* it was probably because everyone else already knew about it.
