In a recent attempt to economize, I have been contemplating a move. I have all but decided that I will move in with my family in a couple months, but for the sake of my sanity and theirs, I've also looked into getting a roommate (on the theory that a complete stranger would be more likely to allow me to live with them, as opposed to the people who know me far too well).
The universal conclusion? Single people fucking LOVE cats. What the hell is wrong with these people? Are you so afraid of being alone?
No thank you, I shed enough for three people, and I am bitchy enough for four and that is as close to having a cat as I ever want to get, again. The last cat I had (really it was my husband's, I just happened to have owned her first) was declawed after she decided to destroy most of the furniture and whatever legs got between her and the shadow she was contemplating at the time. This did not stop her from one day launching herself from a hiding place under the couch and onto my calf. I had to literally beat her off of me. For the week before I could haul her off to my (now ex-)husband's place, I had to wear knee-high boots around the house because she kept attacking me.
I should have known she was evil when she killed a shrew and put it in the toe of my high-heeled shoes. She'd shoved that thing so far up the toe that I didn't even realize it for hours. I will never get that smell out of my head. Or the cat's expression when I got home. Bitch.
Every cat owner thinks that theirs is different. "Oh no, Sweetie wouldn't hurt a fly!" (said by a friend as her cat licked its lips and gave me the look that promised hidden droppings if I ever dared to leave the bedroom door open). They whine and cry if they can see even the smallest dot of the bottom of their food bowl. They jump on you and shove their heads under your hand to be petted, only to turn around and bite you when you oblige them. They will push a lamp off a table then confidently saunter away as if daring you to say anything.
If you point out this behavior to a cat owner, you will get a laugh and possible an explanation that this independent streak is precisely why felines are so awesome.
Seriously?!? What is wrong with you people?
Friday, February 24, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
for me
And I'm feeling good...
I hate being sick.
It emphasizes some of my worst traits. I want to be tough, but comforted and I don't know how to ask for help. I am quick to assume no one wants to be bothered taking care of me (lots of people volunteered to make me dinner or take me to appointments - why didn't anyone volunteer to do dishes or laundry?!?). I vacillate between being stoic and whiny. So many people have it so much worse.
The problem with comparison is that when you're in pain your focus gets reeeeaallly narrow and as bad as you might feel, intellectually, for someone else, their plight cannot take your mind off your own.
The converse of that is how fucking amazing it is when you come through it. After two months of feeling like total crud, I feel like I have so much energy, in comparison. I scrubbed my walls and floor boards. I took down and washed my shades. I scrubbed the frakking radiator and washed the floors on my hands and knees. Then I slept for about 24 hours.
Now to get out there and enjoy this while I can, before the next shoe drops...
Saturday, February 11, 2012
In defense of Valentine's Day
I have been trying to find pleasure in the little things in life to get me through some recent rough patches. I've been posting "what made me happy today" entries featuring amusing videos, a collection of Lord of the Rings Pez dispensers and pictures of flowers. Last week, I started to post a picture of a Valentine's Day card, but I held off because I wanted to give it to my sister and didn't want her to see it on my Facebook page before she got it in the mail. (Although, if she spends half as much time as I do at Target, she'd probably already seen it.)
I love getting personal mail. It is so uncommon these days, when invitations are sent through Evite and the bulk of birthday greetings are just pixels on a Facebook page. That is what is so wonderful about holidays: it is a nice reminder to keep in touch with people...you know, IN PERSON. Or at least with a more personal touch. I like giving cards and little gifts as much as I like receiving them. For $2 plus the price of a stamp, you can make someone's day.
So I am always a little amazed when people disparage "made-up holidays" and the traditions that go along with them. Cheryl Lavin, a relationship columnist over at the Sun Times and self-described "Vrinch," recently published a tirade that compared Valentine's Day (originally celebrated in 496 AD and associated with romantic love as far back as the 14th century) to Festivus (originally created as a gag for a sitcom in 1997). It makes me wonder what holiday she wouldn't consider "made-up." I imagine that she is the type to hand out nickels to trick-or-treaters.
It seems that the negative comments about Valentine's Day are either directed against the supposed unrealistic expectations created by various industries or by people who don't like to be reminded if they don't have a significant other. Men lament that they are expected to plan an elaborate fantasy complete with flowers that won't last a week and a fancy dinner that is gone in an hour. Women complain that the day is geared toward couples and they feel left out or somehow "less-than" if they aren't in a relationship.
Both sides claim that love should be expressed spontaneously, when you actually feel like it, and not forced because of some arbitrarily dictated square on the calendar.
As with many holidays, it is true this particular one has become commercialized (hello? we live in a capitalist country!), but no more so than any other. And this one has the added benefit of focusing on expressing your appreciation for the significant people in your life. In my mind, that sure beats the hell out the Presiden's Day mattress sales.
I love getting personal mail. It is so uncommon these days, when invitations are sent through Evite and the bulk of birthday greetings are just pixels on a Facebook page. That is what is so wonderful about holidays: it is a nice reminder to keep in touch with people...you know, IN PERSON. Or at least with a more personal touch. I like giving cards and little gifts as much as I like receiving them. For $2 plus the price of a stamp, you can make someone's day.
So I am always a little amazed when people disparage "made-up holidays" and the traditions that go along with them. Cheryl Lavin, a relationship columnist over at the Sun Times and self-described "Vrinch," recently published a tirade that compared Valentine's Day (originally celebrated in 496 AD and associated with romantic love as far back as the 14th century) to Festivus (originally created as a gag for a sitcom in 1997). It makes me wonder what holiday she wouldn't consider "made-up." I imagine that she is the type to hand out nickels to trick-or-treaters.
It seems that the negative comments about Valentine's Day are either directed against the supposed unrealistic expectations created by various industries or by people who don't like to be reminded if they don't have a significant other. Men lament that they are expected to plan an elaborate fantasy complete with flowers that won't last a week and a fancy dinner that is gone in an hour. Women complain that the day is geared toward couples and they feel left out or somehow "less-than" if they aren't in a relationship.
Both sides claim that love should be expressed spontaneously, when you actually feel like it, and not forced because of some arbitrarily dictated square on the calendar.
I say BS to all of this. My fondest V Day memories have nothing to do with being in a relationship. I remember picking out cards to hand out in elementary school: the fun deciding between the Snoopy cards or whichever cartoon character was most popular in a given year. In high school, we could order different color roses to have delivered to friends in class. I had a blast picking out fun cards to send to family and friends this year. I even picked out the perfect card for my decidedly unromantic boyfriend.
As with many holidays, it is true this particular one has become commercialized (hello? we live in a capitalist country!), but no more so than any other. And this one has the added benefit of focusing on expressing your appreciation for the significant people in your life. In my mind, that sure beats the hell out the Presiden's Day mattress sales.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
On getting what you want
“There were two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations.” Jodi Picoult
For the longest time, I have been following the latter piece of advice. I have consistently lowered my expectations about how I expect other people to treat me, the services I receive from businesses and the way I want our government to act.
But the worst thing about this line of reasoning is that it has resulted in lowered expectations from myself, as well. The worse I see other people act, the more justification I have to respond the same way. Now, I am at the point where I don't even wait for other people to slight me before I snub them first.
So, if you wonder why I am always late when I say I'm coming over, it is because I know that you are usually late when you come over, or that you will have forgotten something I asked you to return or maybe that I am sick of usually being the one to set up the plans. If I don't dress up or bother with my hair, it's because I don't see the point of trying. If you think I'm being cold and distant, or just ignoring you in general, it is because that is the way I view you treating me. I play off the emotions I read from other people and then I mirror them. Indifference is my favorite color.
It is a defensive mechanism, but I am so tired of it. I am tired of not asking for what I really want because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or because I don't want to feel rejected. That has ridiculous results in the business world (Not telling the new waitress that she forgot my soup because she looked frazzled already. It's a lose-lose situation since she doesn't know to look for side dishes and I don't get what I am paying for.). But it is even worse in my personal life. Am I really so afraid of rejection that I let people walk all over me? Am I so worried that people won't like me if I tell someone, "What you just did was not cool. You'd be mad if I did that to you, so why do you think it was ok to do it to me?" Sadly, the answer is obvious, especially to those who know me well.
A recent occurrence pissed me off so much more because I know I was being a coward by not sticking up for myself. I have no doubt in my mind that the "offending party" would have walked out on me if I acted that way, but I was so afraid of being labeled a bitch, of being considered "needy," or worse, that I let it go. And then the resentment festers until I wonder if I even want this person in my life, any more.
Which brings me back to the quote above. Obviously, lowering my expectations isn't working, so it's time to start changing my reality. The real question is if I will do that in a healthy way, or if it will be a slash-and-burn, start from scratch version. I am planning on moving about 60 miles away from my current location. Not far, but far enough that I could just start over if I felt like it. The problem with that, though, is that I will be just the same person in a new location. This calls for a more fundamental change. I just don't know if I'm up for it.
For the longest time, I have been following the latter piece of advice. I have consistently lowered my expectations about how I expect other people to treat me, the services I receive from businesses and the way I want our government to act.
But the worst thing about this line of reasoning is that it has resulted in lowered expectations from myself, as well. The worse I see other people act, the more justification I have to respond the same way. Now, I am at the point where I don't even wait for other people to slight me before I snub them first.
So, if you wonder why I am always late when I say I'm coming over, it is because I know that you are usually late when you come over, or that you will have forgotten something I asked you to return or maybe that I am sick of usually being the one to set up the plans. If I don't dress up or bother with my hair, it's because I don't see the point of trying. If you think I'm being cold and distant, or just ignoring you in general, it is because that is the way I view you treating me. I play off the emotions I read from other people and then I mirror them. Indifference is my favorite color.
It is a defensive mechanism, but I am so tired of it. I am tired of not asking for what I really want because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or because I don't want to feel rejected. That has ridiculous results in the business world (Not telling the new waitress that she forgot my soup because she looked frazzled already. It's a lose-lose situation since she doesn't know to look for side dishes and I don't get what I am paying for.). But it is even worse in my personal life. Am I really so afraid of rejection that I let people walk all over me? Am I so worried that people won't like me if I tell someone, "What you just did was not cool. You'd be mad if I did that to you, so why do you think it was ok to do it to me?" Sadly, the answer is obvious, especially to those who know me well.
A recent occurrence pissed me off so much more because I know I was being a coward by not sticking up for myself. I have no doubt in my mind that the "offending party" would have walked out on me if I acted that way, but I was so afraid of being labeled a bitch, of being considered "needy," or worse, that I let it go. And then the resentment festers until I wonder if I even want this person in my life, any more.
Which brings me back to the quote above. Obviously, lowering my expectations isn't working, so it's time to start changing my reality. The real question is if I will do that in a healthy way, or if it will be a slash-and-burn, start from scratch version. I am planning on moving about 60 miles away from my current location. Not far, but far enough that I could just start over if I felt like it. The problem with that, though, is that I will be just the same person in a new location. This calls for a more fundamental change. I just don't know if I'm up for it.
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