You know how I feel

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

for me

And I'm feeling good...

I hate being sick.

It emphasizes some of my worst traits. I want to be tough, but comforted and I don't know how to ask for help. I am quick to assume no one wants to be bothered taking care of me (lots of people volunteered to make me dinner or take me to appointments - why didn't anyone volunteer to do dishes or laundry?!?). I vacillate between being stoic and whiny. So many people have it so much worse.


The problem with comparison is that when you're in pain your focus gets reeeeaallly narrow and as bad as you might feel, intellectually, for someone else, their plight cannot take your mind off your own.

The converse of that is how fucking amazing it is when you come through it. After two months of feeling like total crud, I feel like I have so much energy, in comparison. I scrubbed my walls and floor boards. I took down and washed my shades. I scrubbed the frakking radiator and washed the floors on my hands and knees. Then I slept for about 24 hours.

Now to get out there and enjoy this while I can, before the next shoe drops...