Still waters run deep.

That phrase was tailor-made for me. I often appear calm and secure, but underneath is a torrent of emotion.

I hate to appear weak; I'd say it was because of the male-dominated career I am in, but truthfully I have been like this almost as long as I can remember...

Like every other person who is not a hermit, I have suffered my share of embarrassments and humiliations. I've always tried to avoid them by being guarded and keeping a close clamp on my emotional output.

The practical result of this is that I've cultivated many acquaintances and very few friends. I don't think there is a single person who has ever known more than a few facets of me. Some may know more than others, and some may know some of the deeper aspects, but I am very careful to avoid revealing myself fully.

All of these walls sometimes make for a lonely existence.

So I promised myself that I would put myself out there, try to be more open to new things, to having fun, to creating *real* friends and not just people I occasionally hang out with.

And the practical result of that, of course, is that I am getting hurt again. You can't put yourself "out there" without the jeopardy of stumbling. And sometimes others will see you stumble. And sometimes they will laugh. And most of the time that will hurt.

But how do you know you're alive if you never have the dark side to make the light that much brighter?

Cheers.