I actually had a fairly upbeat post planned today - all about the joy I feel when the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, the trees are budding and the birds singing...
But then I figured no one would believe that I wrote it.
This has been a weird weekend for me. I'm not sure how I could feel so many ups and downs in a 48-hour period, all without traveling more than a mile from my house and interacting with total of 4 people.
Spring is a time of awakening, but for many years now, it has been a time of flux for me. The spring fever combines with reality and I feel like a stranger in my own skin. The world seems so full of possibilities that I can't take advantage of. I feel frustrated and dissatisfied. I tend to withdraw from friends and family, preferring to lick my metaphysical wounds in private.
The ache doesn't really even want to be soothed. I nurture the pain, feeding it with memories of slights, might-have-beens and roads not traveled. I'm not fit company for man nor beast. Although I will consider getting a cat so that we can glare at and then ignore each other.
sigh
It will pass...it always does, but until then? Well, I recommend keeping a minimum safe distance of at least a mile.
I've had a lot of ups and downs this weekend too. I'm well outside the minimum safe distance zone today...but looking forward to seeing you for dinner on Friday for some yummy Bar-B-Que!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the spring and the process of accepting all that it offers. Good and bad.
-Matt
mmm...Matt - the Texan BBQ and some Green River will fix me right up :)
ReplyDeleteAnd isn't it funny - we just had a thunderstorm roll through the city, and it calmed me down. My couch is in front of a wall of windows, and I just opened them up, turned off the lights and watched the show.
There's something about the raw power of nature - the fact that the weather has no agenda, "the rain falls on the rich man and poor man alike," - just knowing that whatever my problems are, they are insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
Then again, to those that really know me, that probably isn't much of a surprise ;)
Own every single second of the flux - it makes the world feel normal, in a strange and painful way.
ReplyDeleteVoix - and it encourages growth. If I were content, nothing would ever change.
ReplyDelete