A better place

I don't know how other people do it - "fight the good fight" over and over again. I have an acquaintance who has been sick for a couple of years; she hasn't been out of bed under her own steam for more than a week total in the past two years. But this woman is by far the most upbeat person I have had the pleasure of knowing. Her chipper attitude belies her constant struggles to even breathe on her own. She is inspiring. I admire her spirit.

But dear lord, I have no idea how she keeps it up.

Because I am *so* tired and I don't want to pretend anymore to be cheerful just to make other people more comfortable.

When you have a physical ailment, it is easy to get sympathy. People understand when you are cranky and unsocial. Get cancer, and people will do walkathons for you, listen to you talk about your symptoms, and buy colorful ribbon stickers or key chains in your honor. It won't do a damn thing to make your sickness better, but at least they are there for you, in spirit.

When you have depression, people just say you should "cheer up." Or that you should pray more. Or they just cut right to the chase and tell you to "get over it." As if "it" was something tangible that you could just toss out with the trash.

Write a Facebook status that you just had surgery and you will get scores of comments sending you best wishes. Write that you struggle to struggle to make yourself get out of bed - let alone shower and put clothes on - and you're likely to be called a drama queen.

The vast majority of my family members who have passed away have done so after a long, lingering illness. The memorial services are naturally sad for those of us left behind, but they usually have an undercurrent of relief that our loved one is no longer in pain. If someone chooses to stop chemotherapy because their quality of life is unbearable, it is socially acceptable - most people wouldn't dream of forcing another person to suffer beyond their endurance just to ease any guilt of those around them.

So why do the comments turn hateful when someone suffering from a debilitating *mental* illness succumbs to it? I have heard so many people - some among my best friends - spew venomous comments about someone who commits suicide. These victims are "selfish" and "only thinking about themselves." Those poor souls whose attempts are unsuccessful are accused of being "attention whores."

Bullshit, I say. Mental illness is just as worthy of compassion as physical illness, and if you think that shaming a person through a guilt trip will somehow magically fix the problem, you have a lot to learn about the meaning of human empathy.