the best-laid plans...

I would be the first to admit that this is not how I expected my life to turn out: single at 37, with a part-time job and living in a one-bedroom apartment. I have a failed marriage, untold failed relationships, no children, and a stalled career under my belt.

But oddly enough, I am in one of the happiest periods of my life. The trials and tribulations have only helped me appreciate what I *do* have.

I have a wonderful family that has stuck by me through some incredibly difficult times. They have taken each revelation in stride, without judgment or censure, and made it known that I am loved.

I have a small, but incredibly important core group of friends that accepts my quirks with good-natured teasing, tempered with understanding and not a little bit of patronizing humor.

I have a career...period. I might not get paid much, but my education can never be taken away from me. "Knowledge is power" indeed.

I have had life experiences that have only strengthened my natural self-resolve. With the support of my parents, I put myself through college and law school - an achievement that I tend to overlook sometimes when I get overwhelmed with the emotional and financial cost of it all, but sometimes even I am in awe of what I've been able to accomplish academically with such an inherently lazy nature :)

I have loved and lost and not become a totally bitter person. Granted, I have my moments, but even then I can realize that each relationship has brought me something positive, and I am proud that to each person I have said the words "I love you," I meant it when I said it, and was able to walk away from each on a positive, note.

I have known the utter joy that comes from expecting to bring another life into this world, and the utter desolation that comes from seeing those hopes dashed...and I am able to see that the positive of the experience far outweighs the heartache that came with it.

And finally, I am able to sit back and appreciate what *is* instead of always focusing on what "might-have-been."

No, I am definitely not in the place that I thought I would be at this age...instead I am so much farther along the path of awareness and contentment. As my dear friend says, "more of *this.*"

Indeed :)